Building an Org file AST in my head while sweeping the yard

Right now, I have an Emacs buffer open in org-mode with the draft of this post. My browser has tabs open with Org Syntax documentation, Raku Grammars, and Perplexity, because I couldn't find a static site generator that suited me and decided to write my own. And in the neighboring tabs, there are articles about downshifting and how IT guys are leaving to become couriers and janitors… Let me elaborate :)

I worked as a retail salesperson for about eight years: sitting at the checkout, arranging goods with price tags, and unloading trucks. I even liked it to some extent, even though I complained about the mindless work from the start. What I liked was the physical activity, having a generally free mind, and the fact that after a shift, the work didn't stay in my head.

But eventually, a deep fatigue built up from this field and this kind of work. In parallel, I always dreamed of something more interesting, where I had to work with my head or do something more meaningful with my hands, and I envied people who did.

Then, after another time quitting, I somewhat impulsively bought an SMM course, completed it entirely, and I liked it. That's how I got a taste of making money online (which I hadn't had before). Over the next five years or so, I tried different directions and gained quite a few different skills and knowledge. I dreamed of finding a profession/calling and making money. I had a picture in my head of working for pleasure, without a strict schedule, and earning well (not super well, my needs are modest).

Ultimately, I realized that there is no easy money on the internet. Maybe there was once upon a time, but only in certain niches and for a limited period. Nowadays, you either have to be an expert in something and sink a ton of time and effort into it, or look for short-term hustles. I don't see any other ways, except for pure luck.

In these recent years, I've been trying on and testing out different professions in IT. Studying them was interesting for a while, and it was often fun to try things out in practice, but then the drag would set in, and I would switch to something new. I don't know exactly what the reason is; perhaps it's typical multipotentiality.

At the same time, I've been into computers for over 20 years. I frequently read various things about coding, write some code, configure things, study, and experiment. But I often abandon medium+ coding projects and switch to something new.

Recently, I thought about making money by writing texts, like a technical writer. Why not? I already write various things, so why not do it for money? I found an interesting vacancy with good conditions, they gave me a test assignment, I spent 5 hours and wrote an article for it, leaving only proofreading and minor edits for later, and I still had plenty of time left. In the end, I procrastinated all the next day and didn't even want to open the article. I realized that writing articles, and custom writing in general, doesn't suit me. I turned down the job offer, and the tech writer idea along with it.

Right then, it became clear to me once again (but much more clearly this time) that my cognitive resource is highly valuable to me, and I don't want to and cannot waste it on things I don't find interesting.

Whether it's freelance or regular employment, you inevitably end up doing things that don't interest you, even if they are in a field you like. Whether it's coding, writing, or whatever else. And the motivation of money only helps up to a certain point. You can write code for someone else for good money, but burn out and suffer; or you can do it for yourself in poverty, but find satisfaction in it. Motivation and interest are everything.

Even if you take indie hacking, where you seemingly do what you want, the issue of sales arises. You can't build a product in a vacuum; you need to sell it, and that requires separate skills, time, and resources, often more than building the product itself. Not everyone likes selling. For example, I want to create things and just put them out there, even without an audience, just toss them into the Web, and maybe someone will find them useful someday, and that will be great—I made my contribution.

And so, recently I thought about such a grounded job as a janitor, setting aside my ego. It's just interesting to try, reflect, and compare. What do we have:

• Often it's a 6/1 schedule for 3-4 hours a day.
• Yet the hourly rate is higher than a salesperson's.
• Physical work in the fresh air.
• You come in the morning, do physical work, stretch your body, and then you're free the whole day.
• The most important thing: your head is completely free. You do absolutely clear and simple work, saving your cognitive resource for what you find interesting.

An added bonus is that this kind of job is always available, and you don't have to go through idiotic interviews where they ask you things like:

• Why did you choose our specific yard?
• Where do you see yourself in five years? A Senior Janitor?
• What is your greatest weakness? Are you too much of a perfectionist when shoveling snow?
• Tell us about a time you exceeded customer expectations while cleaning the dumpster.

I'm not saying working as a janitor is paradise, I'm just comparing and trying to step away from clichés. After all, working in IT is considered prestigious, even though you can literally lose your mind there, while working as a janitor is considered beneath their dignity by the majority, even though there you can be free in terms of your cognitive and emotional resources.

Yes, I have a very complicated relationship with earning money. And I think it's not about laziness at all. I've always liked doing pleasant work, doing something interesting, helping, creating. But from the outside, it's easy to label me a loser, like "you know how to do so many things, why are you so poor?". Well, this is why: just knowing and being able to do something isn't enough, there is no direct causal link to money here.

I realized that I burn out quickly when I spend my cognitive and mental energy on things that don't interest me at all. I don't have the necessary tolerance for routine to hammer away at the same spot for a long time and endure things. And so, a lot of ways to make money get cut off. My goal right now isn't to whine; I understand that I am quite inert and could have achieved much more. But I'm just interested in rethinking various things about ways to earn a living.

Business remains a separate, distinct direction. It's the most interesting and also promising one. But here I have a pile of fears and dogmas from my Soviet upbringing, which I've barely worked on. So maybe, while sweeping the yard of a shopping mall, I should think about opening my own kiosk nearby ;)